Duchess

2009 - 2019

It isn't fair the hand you were dealt. You were still so full of life. I love you so much and miss you already. I wish there was something more that I could have done. You are my humongous a fungus, my dirty girdie wordie birdie, mung fung bung dung, duchess and a wuchess and a buchess. You were such a good girl. So sweet and spunky. So easy to train and you loved me so much. We have been through so much together and I dont know how to live without you here. You always followed me around and let me know what you wanted when I asked you if you wanted to go potty or if you were hungry or thirsty. We understand each other and trust each other. You never hurt a fly and are such an awesome doggie. I couldn't have asked for a better little girl. I miss playing with your squeaky toys with you, how I knew just what to do to get you to do that funny growling you do. I could be anywhere and call your name and you come running to me. I hate that we couldnt be together in your last moments and I hope you didnt think I abandoned you. :'-( I would give anything to have you back. I did everything I could to make you happy and healthy. You started acting really sick in December 2018, not eating much, no energy, your eyes started gooping up, you started losing your eyesight and having accidents in the house when you never really did before. I finally got you to a vet beginning of January 2019 and it turns out you are diabetic. I've worked so hard to try to get you regulated, but you werent spayed yet and the vet told us unspayed females are nearly impossible to regulate, so I did what I thought was best and agreed to get you spayed. You developed a cough and a uti at the end of January so we put you on antibiotics for a couple of weeks which seemed to clear it all up so we had your spay operation done the beginning of February 2019. Everything went fine and 4 weeks later you were all healed up. Then the night of March 3rd I heard you cough once or twice but I didnt think much of it, then the next morning you still coughed a few times and by that night you started breathing weird. You were breathing heavily like you were in distress and you wouldn't eat your dinner. That is very unlike you so I got very concerned and decided to take you to the vet the next morning. The next morning I tried feeding you again so I could give you your insulin Injection but you refused again and you wouldnt drink and didnt want to go outside to potty or anything so I rushed you to the vet where they put you in a little plastic oxygen pen. I left you there so you could get an xray done and so they could keep you on observation. When I went go pick you up that afternoon the doctor showed me the xray where your left lung looked normal but your right one was completely opaque indicating it had no air in it. The doc was baffled as to what it could be since pneumonia or lung problems from cardiac disease or anything like that usually involves both lungs. She told me she wanted to have an echo done on you the next morning and even called the echo guy and convinced him to make a special trip to give you and echo on his day off. He agreed and everything was all set up. When I carried you to my jeep and put you in the back to take you home you looked like you were going to faint and you couldnt stand up. I ran back inside and alerted everyone. A vet assistant came out and looked at your gums which had lost their pinkish color and were looking a little grayish. He rushed you back inside to the oxygen pen. The doc and I agreed you needed to stay there overnight and she said it wasnt looking to good so I went in there and pet your head and kissed your mouth and told you that I loved you. I started crying as I left you there as I really didnt want to and I had a bad feeling. I got home and tried to stay busy. Then I got a call from the vet office where one of the assistants told me you had passed away. She had gotten there 10 minutes before you took your last breath. She said you werent alone and she was petting you and keeping you calm. I hate that I couldn't be with you my sweet girdie birdie. My heart is broken. It all happened so suddenly. I've been working so hard and spending over a thousand dollars, trying to keep up with your regular feedings and insulin injections twice a day and all that. I gave permission to the doc to perform an autopsy which revealed the cause of death was an enormous blood clot, one unlike anything shed seen before in her 25 years of practice. She said it basically covered your entire right lung. She doesn't know if it was a complication of your spay surgery or if you had already started developing the clot back in January when you had your initial coughing. You are definitely a fighter girl and you are so very dear to me. I wish we could have had more time together, that is what I've been working for these last few months only to have some freak thing as a blood clot take you. I am so sorry Duchess. I am still in shock. I don't want to believe I'll never see you again or that you wont be in heaven. I love you my Duchess. Mommy loves you. I want you here with me again. I miss you.